TEST
He was a funny, funny dude.
Check out Smoother’s earlier post.
Here are some of my fav’s, taken from Wikiquote:
- Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going “Ahhh, fuck! I thought I looked like that rock!”
- See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my last CD into a store was to take one in there and leave it. “Sir, you forgot this!” “No, I did not. That is for ‘sale’. Please alphabetize ‘it’.”
- I want to hang a map of the world in my house then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.
- I’ve got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying “No”. So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say no to. Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have three settings? Liar! My fan fucking lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain’t sayin’ shit.
- I had this parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say “I’m hungry.” So it died.
- I order the club sandwich all the time, but I’m not even a member, man. I don’t know how I get away with it.
- I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.”
- I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that’s real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two two. I would say “Sweet.” And then people would say, “Mitch, how do I get ahold of you?” I’d say, “Just press two for a while. And when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough.”
- I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
- My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said “no, but I want a regular banana later, so … yeah”.
- I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem. It’s not the photographer’s fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that’s extra scary to me. There’s a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he’s fuzzy, let’s get out of here.
- I like vending machines ’cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.
- I have a new CD; it’s in stores, and when you have a CD in stores, you have to do in-store appearances, and if nobody shows up, I just pretend like I’m shopping. That’s how I shop; I sit behind a table with a pen.
Funny stuff. His new CD came out 9/9. Get it. Now.
TEST
Following Smoother’s post on Aug 1, I decided it would be great to interview a local hero, the Red Oak.
Steel: So, I hear you’re a variety of oak that is native to North America. Also, I hear you grow very rapidly and favor acidic soil.
Red Oak: <rustle, rustle>
S: You must be the strong, silent type. Maybe those questions were too hard for you. What about this one: I hear your main characteristic is something about shiny strips. Other oaks have similar strips, but those normally occur only on the top. The strips on you go all the way down and are one of the quickest ways to identify you.
How does it feel being identified with shiny strippers? Not only at the top like your friends, but all the way down?
RO: <rustle, rustle>
S: Okay, you son-of-a-bitch, you better start talking or we’ll end this right now. Are you bitter about something?
RO: <rustle, rustle>
S: You think you’re so important, mister lumber, and can’t sit down for this interview. Well, then screw you! (Exits)
RO: <rustle, rustle>
The Red Oak - One quiet son-of-a-bitch
TEST
Taken from patrickmoberg.tumblr.com, this shows why Michael Phelps is sooooooooo damn fast:
Michael Phelps, in the beginning
TEST
This made it through my spam filter today, and I must say, I’m glad it did.
TEST
Turns out there is a name for this: The Dunning-Kruger Effect. Awesome. I know this happens all the time, but now I know what to call it.
TEST
I just realized this. You know you are getting old when all your favorite bands (Foo Fighters, 311, Sevendust, Garbage) start coming out with Greatest Hits Albums. Dammit. I thought I had at least a few more years. At least I still have my teeth.
TEST
Apparently, Rushdie, the author was knighted by the Queen of England, and this will bring out the wackos. Make sure and read about the last one, about the religious minister calling for Islams to strap bombs on to “protect the prophet”.
TEST
Apparently, MS has found open-source (Linux, etc.) violates some of their patents. This could be a fun one because MS holds their code under tight wraps while open-source allows people to change and improve upon the code, so basically MS looked at it and said, “Hey! We think we did that.” Let’s just hope this doesn’t go anywhere because there may be some fur flying if MS doesn’t allow the same courtesy…
TEST
As I tend to do at work, I listen to XM Radio Online, and a song by Hole came on. Was Courtney Love ever good? Ever?
I guess I wouldn’t seem to think the crap she sang would EVER make up for the crap she does all the time. The whole Nirvana royalties, Kurt Cobain auction, etc. Here is another “celebrity” we should all IGNORE.
Let’s hope Dave Grohl gets everything he should, cuz he’s cool, and Courtney Love sucks.
