Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. But he is so bad ass, he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When God said, “let there be light”, Chuck Norris said, “say ‘please’.”

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Here’s the video:

Chuck Norris on Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a Cherokee Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb.

If you say Chuck Norris’ name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris removed his own tonsils. He didn’t even have tonsillitis.

When Chuck Norris plays “Guess Who”, he doesn’t ask any questions. He stares at his game board until all the pieces flip down in fright, except for one. And that one, without fail, is the person you chose.

Chuck Norris’ smile can blind a full grown adult at 20 pages and also has been known to deflect all projectile weapons including rocket launchers.

On the weekends Chuck’s favorite pastime happens to be going to retirement homes. Not to help out, but in fact to swallow the souls of the old. This is the reason why he has stayed at the physical age of 55 for the past 213 years.

Chuck Norris action figures have been banned in Mexico due to roundhouse action related eye loss in children.

Mr. T may pity the fool, but Chuck Norris pities Mr. T.

A little boy once dressed up as Chuck Norris for Halloween. When he rang Chuck Norris’ doorbell, Chuck Norris was so excited that he gave the boy the whole bowl of candies. Two seconds later he roundhouse kicked the boy in the face and took it back.

When Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks people, they do not die of blunt trauma or tissue damage. They simply lose the will to live.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

When the Boogey-man goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris wears bear traps for sandals

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with his left leg and his right leg. At the same time.

Chuck Norris rode in to town on Friday, stayed 3 days and left on Friday. His horse was named Justice, and he can control the spin of the earth.

Instead of warming up before a workout, Chuck Norris hammers himself to a wall and then pulls the stakes out with his teeth.

Hitler did not commit suicide, Chuck Norris got bored of fighting WWII and killed him.

99 % of Chuck Norris is kick ass. The remaining 1% is pain in your genitals. The other 10% contributes to world hunger because Chuck Norris always gives 110%.

Ghandi used to be a Nazi before Chuck Norris Round House Kicked him in the face. Showing him that violence is not the answer.

If you take a picture of Chuck Norris, from that day on, that camera will only develop that same picture of Chuck Norris, no matter what is in the lens’s sight.

Each individual sperm cell in Chuck Norris’ semen has a beard.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Chuck Norris invented the beard. He receives several million dollars in annual royalties from Santa Claus, Richard Dreyfuss, and Chewbacca.

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris built the entire continent of Asia in two days using just a spoon and Teen People magazine.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

The Virgin Mary saw Chuck Norris in her grilled cheese sandwich.

It is believed that King Arthur’s legendary sword Excalibur is actually a strand of hair from Chuck Norris’ beard.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there

When Chuck Norris works out, he sweats fortitude.

Chuck Norris has bed sheets that are made from 60 grade sandpaper.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal round-house kick delivered by Chuck Norris.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

1. Coeur d’Alene, Idaho: Pronounced as ‘Core da lane’, this city offers a wonderful ski environment, stunning scenery and a flourishing golf culture. The city is picking up in the tourism sector. The median home price is $311,700 and the population is 38,246.

2. Charlottesville, Virginia: The Blue Ridge Mountains, University of Virginia, and variety of entertainment and recreation, makes Charlottesville an attractive option to retire in. This is also a city with a strong historical background. All these positive features offset the slightly high median home price of $398,400. The population of Charlottesville is 41,425.

3. Logan, Utah: Home to the Utah State University, Logan is a popular city that offers various recreational activities including plenty of water sports at Bear Lake. Logan has a historic downtown and the scenic Logan Canyon Scenic Byway is a great attraction. The city has a median home price of $205,400 and population of 44,599.

4. Blacksburg, Virginia: A town that has been growing steadily over the last 4 decades, Blacksburg is home to the Virginia Polytechnic Institute also known as Virginia Tech, a very vibrant college community and lots of scenic beauty. The median home price is $233,400 and the town has a population of 39,915 residents.

5. Burlington, Vermont: A college town through and through, Burlington boasts of being home to four colleges – the University of Vermont, Burlington College, Champlain College and a Community College of Vermont campus. The median home price is $378,000 and the town has 37,884 residents.

6. Anacortes, Washington: An awesome place if you want to enjoy your retirement with a lot of fun and entertainment. The jewel of Fidalgo Island, Anacortes is favorably located near British Columbia. There is no limit to the water sports that the sea offers or to other outdoor activities such as golfing, bird watching, camping etc. The median home price is $347,600 and the town has a population of just 15,514 with a 15-year growth rate of 24.5 %.

7. Sarasota, Florida: You would love this spot for its exquisite architecture, pure white sands and wonderful beach sports. You can have a big house warming party, south florida party rentals are always on hand. The medium home price is a little expensive at $423,400 and the population is at 53,477. Being the hub of architectural marvel Sarasota in the State of Florida might not offer much for the home buyer in terms of housing bargains. Make sure to check out the local south florida event rentals.

8. Hanover, New Hampshire: Also known as the “Upper Valley”, Hanover in New Hampshire is a peaceful place to settle in, for its wonderful valley setting. Located at driving distance from Boston, Montreal and New York City, Hanover also offers great skiing activity. The median home price is at $297,400 and the population is 8,305 with a 15-year growth rate of 13.2 %.

9. Manhattan, Kansas: If one wishes to settle in a city that offers year-round entertainment, Manhattan in the State of Kansas would be the perfect choice. The city offers golf, art, shopping and some of the country’s best music festivals during the month of June. The median home price is $188,600 and the population is 44,630.

10. Ames, Iowa: This can be the perfect choice for the one who wants a laid back lifestyle and a quiet life. The city offers some of the most affordable housing options and the crime rate is also quite low here. The city also is home to the Iowa State University. The Median home price is at $176,700 and the population is 54,817.

Top 10 Searched Words This Month:
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A Worthy Opponent
Chuck Norris is climbing the ladder and steel just posted that entry. Daaaaaaaaaaaamz!

Bookmarks
10% of our viewers this month has added Stuck in Iowa this month to their favorites. Give it a shot! Adding us to your favorites is fun and free! (That was corny, get it? Corny? Iowa? Bwahahaha..ok maybe not)

Are you trying to resize the current window using javascript? I searched google for a way to resize the current window but all I got was how to resize a window using Javascript when you click a link. If you have run into the same problem I have the simple solution for you.

My code is not aligned because wordpress kept putting in br tags, but you’ll get the point (hopefully) To resize the current window using javascript use this code in your header:

Well I tried to put it here but WordPress was having problems and resizing the blog, omg so funny (not) but rofl anyway? Watch out, here comes the rolfcopter!

You can view all code right here in this txt file.
resize-current-window.txt

Oh hellz yeah!

If the following registry subkey already exists, go to step 6:

HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Messenger\Client
2. Click the following registry subkey:
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Policies\Microsoft
3. On the Edit menu, point to New, and then click Key. Type Messenger for the name of the new registry key, and then press ENTER.
4. Click the following registry subkey: key:
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Messenger
5. On the Edit menu, point to New, and then click Key. Type Client for the name of the new registry key, and then press ENTER.
6. Click the following registry subkey: key:
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Messenger\Client
7. On the Edit menu, point to New, and then click DWORD Value. Type PreventRun for the name of the new DWORD value and then press ENTER.
8. Right-click the PreventRun value that you created in step 7, and then click Modify. In theValue data box, type 1, and then click OK.
9. Quit Registry Editor.

Useful Link:
How to prevent Windows Messenger from running on a Windows XP-based computer
Windows XP FAQ: How do I remove Messenger?

http://myitforum.techtarget.com/articles/15/view.asp?id=7033

If for some reason you want to reinstall MSN Messenger just visit http://www.microsoft.com/windows/messenger and download the latest version.

First off, we have a story about a child. A child vs. the big business. My girlfriend tried to log into her AOL account the other day, and it wouldn’t work. She called her dad to ask what had happened, and found out that her younger sister used vulgar language in a child’s chat room, so AOL suspended their accounts.

When asked what she had said, it was, “This is poop”. Huh? Suspended? For that?

Next in our array of stories, I recently got a 12-month Xbox Live renewal card. My yearly subscription was supposed to end January 19th. I put in the new card on January 1st. After I put in the code, my new expiration date was January 1, 2007. Huh? So the next day, I called to reclaim my 19 days, I talked to no less than 5 people, and by the end of the calls, I felt like Rainman… “I want my 19 days! I want my 19 days!” BTW, it was resolved.

Finally, I have a rant on people who say things incorrectly. Especially computer stuff. I have heard people (a lot of people) say UBS port (instead of USB), Hewitt Packard (instead of Hewlett Packard – there is an “L” in here people), and I heard my favorite of all time today. I was talking to someone about the new computers, and how they don’t have a floppy disk drive. He then proceeded to ask me how much it would be to add a “sloppy drive” to his computer. I just smiled. His wife (they were both elderly) said “I think it’s actually floppy drive.” And we all laughed together. Except me. I was laughing at them.

Well, kiddies, that’s it for me for now. Have a splendid day and don’t forget to put out the fire before you go.

Now I’m not saying that I hate Christmas. Quite the contrary. But here are the things I don’t like about this particular holiday season:

• 1) Since when did Thanksgiving become Christmas before Christmas? Pretty soon, “Christmas in July” might become a reality.
• 2) Where the hell did all this snow come from? Is God trying to catch up with the last few years in just one winter?
• 3) I don’t have money for gifts. I don’t know where everyone else is coming up with that gift money. I guess I better put on my street walkin boots and Santa’s hat/hooker red lipstick to make up the difference.
• 4) When did this particular holiday become the one where everyone asks me when I’m going to propose to my girlfriend? See previous point for the answer to that one, bitches.

So, in conclusion, this holiday is about love, not setting up lights on November 1st, not shoveling until we all get hernias or heart-attacks, not spending hours working to spend hours shopping, not proposing (or will I?). But love and family. So screw all that other stuff we’re supposed to do, because, guess what folks… THAT ISN’T CHRISTMAS!

It appears that since it’s inception over 1 year ago, Halo 2 has wasted more than just my time. Check it out: If everyone had worked a $6/hr job instead of playing Halo 2 Matchmade games, they would have earned $1.1B. And here’s my favorite statistic: number of teabag incidents to date: 53,345,117. That’s a lot of tea.

 
 
 

For example:

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it’s often over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light afire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it’s always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn’t changed much over The last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it’d be male, didn’t you? But consider this – it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying…

There seems to be a large black hole with some sort of effect on people on earth. This means crazy shit is happening. For example, this whole Britney Spears baby thing. If you didn’t catch Family Guy this weekend, it had a bit about being Kevin Federline’s Mirror.

Anyway, there’s also this Demi Moore – Ashton Kutcher thing. Now see, I could use an overused “layer of hell” thing, but I feel that a black hole is much more descriptive because this crap is sucking the life out of me. That and other things.

 

Installing php-pgsql-4.3.2-23.ent.i386.rpm
error: Failed dependencies:
php = 4.3.2-23.ent is needed by php-pgsql-4.3.2-23.ent
Suggested resolutions:
/php-4.3.2-23.ent.i386.rpm

Here’s my solution…
#cd /root/psa/
#rpm -Uvh –nodeps php-pgsql-4.3.2-23.ent.i386.rpm

Here’s a screen copy of what I did step by step:

[root@myserver rpm]# cd /root/psa/
[root@myserver psa]# ls
PSA_7.5.3 PSA_7.5.4 psa.inf
[root@myserver psa]# cd PSA_7.5.4
[root@myserver PSA_7.5.4]# ls
RHel3_std.updates rpm_RedHat_el3
[root@myserver PSA_7.5.4]# cd RHel3_std.updates/
[root@myserver RHel3_std.updates]# ls
php-pgsql-4.3.2-23.ent.i386.rpm plesk-libstdc++-3_4-3.4.3-2.i586.rpm
plesk-libgcc-3_4-3.4.3-2.i586.rpm
[root@myserver RHel3_std.updates]# rpm -Uvh --nodeps php-pgsql-4.3.2-23.ent.i386.rpm
Preparing... ########################################### [100%]
1:php-pgsql ########################################### [100%]

Then I went into the Plesk Control Panel, did the ‘updater’ and it worked when I updated my packages.

The main thing we hypothesized was the “buffer” of 30 seconds. We are technically going together, but not because of the buffer. This is how guys are. So there.

This has been a scientific obersvation dude.

Read more tips and why this works right here

Overall, recent studies suggest that coffee (regular and decaffeinated) may offer a variety of health benefits against diseases such as cancer and diabetes. However, coffee may not deserve a place in the same category with other healthful foods like vegetables, fruits and whole grains.

Laboratory studies suggest that the anti-inflammatory, antioxidant compounds in coffee could help reduce risk of cancer. Coffee also has a tendency to speed the passage of waste through the digestive tract. Potentially, this may lessen the time that cancer-causing compounds spend in contact with the intestinal tract, which could reduce the risk of colon cancer. Population studies, however, tend to split between coffee intake having no effect on or reducing risk of breast and colon cancer.

Diabetes Prevention

The case for coffee’s ability to protect against diabetes is strengthened by several recent studies. In the Iowa Women’s Health Study, more than 28,000 women were followed for 11 years. The women who drank four or more cups of coffee daily were about 20 percent less likely to develop diabetes. That became a 30 to 40 percent drop among those who drank decaf coffee.

A study in Finland linked consumption of three to six cups of coffee per day with a 25 percent lower risk of diabetes. In both studies, benefits were seen after adjusting for other diabetes risks, such as weight, diet, and activity level. Several studies now link moderate coffee consumption with lower risk of Type 2 diabetes. Researchers are working to understand the potential advantage of decaf versus regular coffee and how weight control is involved.

Potential increased risk of high blood pressure and heart disease has been one of the long-standing concerns about coffee. Recent studies confirm that caffeine can raise blood pressure, but this effect is observed with soft drinks, not coffee. Laboratory studies suggest that perhaps coffee’s healthful compounds can counterbalance the blood-pressure raising effects of caffeine.

In the Iowa Women’s Health Study noted above, four to five cups of coffee a day were linked with a 19 percent lower risk of heart-related death. Other studies have found no effect of coffee consumption on heart disease risk. But people should follow their doctor’s advice.

Coffee does warrant some cautions, however. Both regular and decaf coffee relax the muscle that keeps stomach acids from rising into the throat, so those with heartburn or reflux disease (GERD) are encouraged to avoid or strictly limit coffee. People with trouble sleeping should limit or avoid caffeinated coffee.

Studies now suggest it is unnecessary for pregnant women to completely avoid caffeinated coffee. Until the impact of caffeine is more clearly understood, however, many experts suggest that pregnant women limit their daily caffeine from coffee, soft drinks and other sources to about 300 mg, the equivalent of three cups of regular coffee.

It’s exciting that something as simple as drinking coffee might help lower our risk of cancer, diabetes and heart disease. However, while brewed coffee (not instant) is a concentrated source of antioxidants, it can’t be a substitute for berries, legumes, nuts, and other fruits and vegetables that provide antioxidants along with a wide range of vitamins, protective compounds and dietary fiber.

Source: http://www.networkmalaysia.com/subtitle/article_coffee.htm

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