Stuck in Iowa

I hate magicians. Sure at times I can give props to real professional magicians but I just want to beat the crap out of street magicians because they are feces in the ‘porta potty’ whose smell just lingers and pisses you off. Okay okay, here’s the scenario…

Last weekend my entourage and I were getting all crazy at a club in downtown San Diego. We danced, we talked, we got tipsy and closed the club. We were outside trying to get a cab to go back to my place for some after hours partying but then BAM out of nowhere this f’n magician starts harassing my ladies. He’s doing the card tricks, he’s doing the 5 year old quarter disappear trick, but the thing that pissed me off most is he was not dressed to impress. He’s wearing a worn out surfing shirt, ragity old wal-mart blue jeans, and he had messy hair. He’s maybe one step above homeless bum. What the hell is he doing out at 2am anyway? Trying to get some? Oh pleeeeeeease.

So I approach this douche bag and tell him to back up and leave my ladies alone. He then goes ‘C’mon man, I’m working my magic.’ Which I replied ‘Hey buddy I’m not looking for any touble, just leave them alone.’ Now you’re probably wondering, why is Smoother interfering with this situation? Why can’t he just stay out of it and let the girls take care of themselves? The answer is simple my friends… the girls were pretty drunk and the ‘magic douche’ was trying to lure them away from the group, he kept backing up and they were following. The ladies just wanted to see some magic, they didn’t realize what was going on. And me, I take care of my friends.

Back to the verbalization… the magician ‘Go have another drink you lush.’ where I respond ‘Open your mouth again you psycho bastard and I’ll f___ your s___ up’ and right when I said that 3 other guys from my entourage magically appeared behind me. He looked pissed, looked at me, the ladies giggled, and he just walked away. Magicians are pussies. The story ends with me and my entourage having some drinks at my place until the sun came up.

Magicians can kiss my ass.