Check out this hilarious video! It made me LOL4Real!
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This is an awesome video by Jon Lajoie. (Warning: If you click the link it’s loud as hell.)
THIS VIDEO IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK! (Unless you work for a phone sex company or something, then I’m sure it’s no problem.)
Did you miss the awesome SNL Digital Short featuring Natalie Portman? If so, your life is lacking some comedy! Here are the lyrics from the Natalie Portman gangsta rap that was on Saturday Night Live… You can see the video and others SNL shorts here! It’s f’n hilarious!
Here are the lyrics… or what I think she is saying. Feel free to leave a comment to correct anything.
Chris Parnell: We’re sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.
Natalie Portman: Hello.
Parnell: So, Natalie, what’s the day in life of Natalie Portman like?
Portman: Do you really want to know?
Parnell: Yes, tell us…
Portman: I don’t sleep mother f***er
off that yak and bourbon
doin’ 120 gettin’ head while I’m swervin’
Seth Meyers: D**n Natalie you a crazy chick
Portman: Yo shut the f*** up and suck my d**k
I’m bustin dudes mouth like gushers mother f***er
roll up on NBC and smack the s**t outta Jeff Zucker
Guys: What you want Natalie
Portman: to drink and fight
Guys: what you need Natalie
Portman: to f*** all night
Continue reading ‘Natalie Portman Gangsta Rap Lyrics & Video’
Google Homepage and one of my sections is the Quote of the Day. I got curious after seeing a funny Mitch Hedberg saying so I went clicky clicky on the link and here’s what I found, they’re pretty funny so I thought I’d share.
I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.
Mitch Hedberg
I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get ahold of me, they just say “Mitch,” and I say “what?” and turn my head slightly.
Mitch Hedberg
I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.
Mitch Hedberg
I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.
Mitch Hedberg
I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling, I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Mitch Hedberg
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple’s house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work” the daughter-in-law answered.
“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.
“This is my love dress” the daughter-in-law explained.
“But you’re naked!” exclaimed the mother-in-law.
“My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy.
I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute.” said the daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, took a shower, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“This is my love dress” she replied.
“You should’ve ironed it!” said her husband.
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
“WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “are they ALL YOURS???”
“Yep they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, “Sit down Leroy.” All the children rush to find seats.
“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.”
“This one’s my oldest - he is Leroy.”
“OK, and who’s next?”
Well, this one he is Leroy, also.”
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy.
“All right,” says the caseworker. “I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?”
Their Momma replied, “Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Leroy!’ An’ when it’s time for dinner, I just yell ‘Leroy!’ an’ they all comes a runnin.’ An if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell ‘Leroy’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, namin’ them all Leroy.”
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you want just ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”
“I call them by their last names.”
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
“Tony, do you have a story to share?”
“Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Nancy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
“Good Heavens” said the horrified teacher.
“What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?”
“Stay the f*ck away from Aunt Nancy when she’s drinking”