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Movie Details
Cheerleader Ninjas (2003)
Starring: Kira Reed, Angela Brubaker, More
Director: Kevin Campbell
The Plot
Okay, I love B movies because they are creative, cheesy, and usually enjoyable at the same time. Unfortunately in 2003 one of the worst movies ever was created, Cheerleader Ninjas. Sure sure it sounds hot… cheerleaders… ninjas… but it’s not. A group of religious women wrongly accuse the local high school cheerleaders of producing an disseminating porn over the Internet. The religious group also hires a gay (i think) guy to infiltrate the cheerleading squad. It didn’t work out very well because he sucks and oh yeah he looks 35 years old. They hire a team of ’schoolgirls’ to take on the Cheerleaders. These ’schoolgirls’ are equipped with swords, guns, everything. The oh so hot (*cough* 30 year old) high school cheerleaders must try to reclaim their reputations they think they had in the first place. The cheerleader discover a Mr.X is testing out his Zombie Domination software on the Internet using them to lure web surfers in hopes that they’ll fall victim to his evil scheme scheme plot plot. Yeah I said that twice because Ludacris does in a newer song of his and he’s cool so by doing that I just brought the only coolness to this movie and it was during my review. Any way where was I… oh yes, cheerleaders, blah blah blah, some fast forwarding, more blah, no ninjas, some fake bad fighting, terrible acting, lack of music, and the cheerleaders try to find a way to stop this Mr.X.
Things I Learned From This Movie
- Cheerleaders are NOT ninjas
- Cheerleaders are NOT hot when they are 30 years old but still in high school
- Religious ladies like looking at hot guys on the Internet and they have resources to find a demolition squad of schoolgirls
- Gay guys trying out for cheerleading don’t get to join if they suck
- I learned how to fast forward
Continue reading ‘Cheerleader Ninjas Movie Review (2003)’
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The Characters
* Ash - He’s our legendary hero wielding a chainsaw as a hand/weapon and a 12 gauge shot gun. Ladies hate him, ladies love him, and he slays demons.
* Shelia - She’s a maiden who lost her brother in battle. Thinking it’s Ash’s fault but falls in love with him.
* Lord Arthur - He’s the leader of the kingdom with a bad hair cut.
* Wiseman - Old wizard guy who knows everything
* Duke Henry the Red - He’s the leader of other kingdoms and have been at war with Lord Arthur.
The Plot
One of the most memorable early works from director Sam Raimi (Spider-Man), Army of Darkness is the third in a trilogy of hilarious sci-fi sword-and-sorcery epics. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, the ancient Necronomicon, or “Book of the Dead,” transports department store clerk Ash (Bruce Campbell) and his 1973 Oldsmobile into England’s Dark Ages. There, he faces legions of undead beasts in a battle for his life.
Things I learned from this movie
* Old ladies are mean
* Dead demons can die
* Hot water burns people and demons
* If you’re a nice jerk the ladies love you
* Make sure to always wear a belt incase you need to use a chainsaw as part of a lost limb
* Nobody ever listens to the Wiseman
* Working in the hardware department is the coolest job ever
* Mumbling magic words don’t work but make life fun
* If you watch this multiple times your wife/girlfriend/partner will look at you funny as you laugh hysterically
Continue reading ‘Army of Darkness Movie Review (1993)’
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The Plot
Sin City is a comic book, no wait a “graphic novel” adaptation brought to the big screen. It’s based on the graphic novel ‘Sin City’ by Frank Miller. The cinematography is amazing. The entire movie in black & white while showing some color (mainly red) and some very appealing car driving. The film is full of fighting, guns, violence, and some gruesome scenes. It grabs your attention in the first few minutes with some violence. It also ends with some violence. Also it was confusing, I didn’t know what was going on for a little while but then I realized it was a Pulp Fiction style of story put together. It’s all based on a series of events/stories that are linked to each other in one way or another. One story is about a cops last night on the job risking his life to save an 11 year old girl from getting raped and killed. The second story is about hulk like man who spends his time trying to avenge the death of his lover… I mean hooker. The third story tells what happened to a private investigator when he ends up in the middle of a rampage of a corrupt cop vs. hookers. In the beginning of the movie the acting was pretty jerky, lame, and the words were forced. I just wasn’t feeling the acting at first, but then it got better. I was interested about 75% of the time, the rest of the time I was bored because nothing was really going on besides monotone narration. I feel they tried to make up for some bad acting and some confusing story lines with blood and guts.
Things I Learned From This Movie
- People bleed white or red
- If you use tourniquet you can remove a person’s legs and arms and they’ll still live
- Cops, Politicians, Religious icons are dirty
- Hookers can love too, and so can their sisters
- People can take bullets and get things chopped off and still live
- Smoking is bad for you
- Do not let anybody ever ever ever shoot off your reproductive organs
Continue reading ‘Sin City Movie Review (2005)’
