I should have posted this a long time ago:

Ninjas rob a local convenience store

The article doesn’t say that they dropped from the ceiling, threw a bunch of throwing stars, and disappeared in a puff of smoke.  Not really.  They were idiots with guns.  Ninjas don’t have guns.  Haven’t they ever seen real ninja movies, like American Ninja 1-5 and Beverly Hills Ninja?  Ameteurs.

Those bitches try to rob me, I’m going to fight them off with 10 different kitchen implements.