Top 10 Ways to get Drunk for Five Dollars or Less

Number 10. Be a frosh (freshman).

It’s not true that every frosh can be knocked into unconsciousness by waving a tom Collins under their nose, but as those of us who go hunting for frosh on “New Kids night” at the local dance holes know, the phenomena is not rare. Frosh are usually young, inexperienced, and sometimes even illegal to entice into your boudoir. If anyone can get drunk on five bucks, it’s them.

Number 9. Be female.

Chivalry is not dead! While you ladies can’t expect guys to risk their life, or miss an episode of star trek for you, you may still be able to get some alcohol out of them. Try standing around the bar, sipping water with a grimace on your face. Dress smutty. Smile at guys as they walk by, the drunker geekier the better. If you want to get more than one drink out of a guy start talking about how hot it is. Act intoxicated. Become even more friendly. At an appropriate time have a friend come by and “save you”, then move on to the next guy.

Number 8. Try Medication.

Sleeping pills. Allergy pills. If it says “do not take alcohol with this drug” or “do not operate a motorized vehicle while under the influence of this drug”, it must be good! Intelligent students such as ourselves, while not having a shred of pharmaceutical knowledge, can see that these statements are a plot by alcohol producers to keep us buying large quantities of booze.

Number 7. If it ends in ‘ol, drink it!

Alcohol isn’t the only intoxicant ending in ‘ol’. Methanol, Butanol and Propanol are all fine safe intoxicants, often available at bargain prices. Stay away from aerosol, cholesterol, and drool.

Number 6. Sleep Deprivation and Sickness.

For some reason, your body doesn’t want you to have any fun, and actively fights alcohol -enhancement. When you’re sick, and tired, your body’s defenses are at their lowest. This means its often one of the most cost effective times to get plastered! Best of all, if you puke, you can blame it on the flu.

Number 5. Try Antifreeze

Hey, ten thousand deranged alcoholic street people can’t be wrong!

Number 4. Smash and Grab.

Drunk on less than five bucks? Try drunk for free! If you’re smart enough to figure out your news reader, chances are you’re smart enough to plan a little robbery. But don’t forget to take the time to pour the perfect beer.

Number 3. Scavenge.

Go to any bar and you’ll usually see alcohol that people just don’t want. Most often these finds will be at empty tables, with chairs with jackets on them that people also don’t want. Grab the booze, and the jackets, and leave. Do so stealthily though. You wouldn’t believe how many losers will pretend that they really wanted their cast offs. Finders keepers!

Number 2. Hang around with Losers or Generous People (same thing)

Some people are crazed enough to buy alcohol for other people, and expect nothing in return. Well, they might expect after they buy you a round that you’ll do the same, but you never signed any contract. Generous people usually stop buying alcohol when they realize what a cheap bastard you are, but losers will usually keep on doing it. They’ll be so overwhelmed by the fact that you’re actually talking to them, they won’t worry about little details, like that they’re spending their tuition money to get you pissed.

And now …(drum-roll)… The Number 1 Way to get Drunk… for Five Dollars or Less: … Make Beer Fast!

Finger the originator of this article, an address will be given. Mail one beer to this address. Using saturation posting techniques, repost this article to enough newsgroups for about a million people to see it. Within a few weeks you’ll have received a million beers. In another few weeks the postal system will collapse…

… address coming soon…

Drop Extra Coverages You Don’t Need

You may be paying for insurance coverage you never or rarely need, such as towing and rental coverage. Consider dropping these extra coverages to lower your insurance rate.

Depending on the age of your auto, you may also want to drop your comprehensive and collision coverage. Most insurance companies recommend dropping these coverages if your auto is more than five years old.

Get All the Discounts You Qualify For

Insurance companies offer a variety of discounts that will lower your auto insurance rate. Ask your insurer if you qualify for any of these discounts:

* Multi-policy discount

* Multi-car discount

* Good student discount

* Good driver discount

* Anti-theft discount

* Safety features discount

* Low mileage discount

Also ask your insurer if there are any other discounts you might qualify for.

Shop Around for the Cheapest Dubuque Insurance

You comparison shop for other major purchases, and at upwards of hundreds of dollars a year, auto insurance certainly qualifies as a major purchase. If you don’t shop for the cheapest insurance rate, you’re probably paying too much.

To make your comparison shopping easier, visit an insurance comparison website. Once you submit your insurance information, multiple A-rated insurance companies will give you insurance quotes and you can then choose the cheapest rate. On the best of these websites, you can even talk online or by phone with insurance professionals to get answers to your questions. (See link below.)

Visit http://www.LowerRateQuotes.com or click on the following link to get Dubuque auto insurance quotes from top-rated companies and see how much you can save. You can get more auto insurance tips in their Articles section.

About the Author

The authors, Brian Stevens and Stacey Schifferdecker, have spent 30 years in the insurance and finance industries, and have written a number of articles on Dubuque auto insurance.