First off, we have a story about a child. A child vs. the big business. My girlfriend tried to log into her AOL account the other day, and it wouldn’t work. She called her dad to ask what had happened, and found out that her younger sister used vulgar language in a child’s chat room, so AOL suspended their accounts.

When asked what she had said, it was, “This is poop”. Huh? Suspended? For that?

Next in our array of stories, I recently got a 12-month Xbox Live renewal card. My yearly subscription was supposed to end January 19th. I put in the new card on January 1st. After I put in the code, my new expiration date was January 1, 2007. Huh? So the next day, I called to reclaim my 19 days, I talked to no less than 5 people, and by the end of the calls, I felt like Rainman… “I want my 19 days! I want my 19 days!” BTW, it was resolved.

Finally, I have a rant on people who say things incorrectly. Especially computer stuff. I have heard people (a lot of people) say UBS port (instead of USB), Hewitt Packard (instead of Hewlett Packard – there is an “L” in here people), and I heard my favorite of all time today. I was talking to someone about the new computers, and how they don’t have a floppy disk drive. He then proceeded to ask me how much it would be to add a “sloppy drive” to his computer. I just smiled. His wife (they were both elderly) said “I think it’s actually floppy drive.” And we all laughed together. Except me. I was laughing at them.

Well, kiddies, that’s it for me for now. Have a splendid day and don’t forget to put out the fire before you go.

Now I’m not saying that I hate Christmas. Quite the contrary. But here are the things I don’t like about this particular holiday season:

• 1) Since when did Thanksgiving become Christmas before Christmas? Pretty soon, “Christmas in July” might become a reality.
• 2) Where the hell did all this snow come from? Is God trying to catch up with the last few years in just one winter?
• 3) I don’t have money for gifts. I don’t know where everyone else is coming up with that gift money. I guess I better put on my street walkin boots and Santa’s hat/hooker red lipstick to make up the difference.
• 4) When did this particular holiday become the one where everyone asks me when I’m going to propose to my girlfriend? See previous point for the answer to that one, bitches.

So, in conclusion, this holiday is about love, not setting up lights on November 1st, not shoveling until we all get hernias or heart-attacks, not spending hours working to spend hours shopping, not proposing (or will I?). But love and family. So screw all that other stuff we’re supposed to do, because, guess what folks… THAT ISN’T CHRISTMAS!

Huh?

Are they sure they’re using that “cagematch” thing correctly? How about “crapfest”? Wouldn’t that be more appropriate?