Here are the lyrics… or what I think she is saying. Feel free to leave a comment to correct anything.

Chris Parnell: We’re sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.

Natalie Portman: Hello.

Parnell: So, Natalie, what’s the day in life of Natalie Portman like?

Portman: Do you really want to know?

Parnell: Yes, tell us…

Here’s a youtube vid, doubt it’ll stay online forever though.

Portman: I don’t sleep mother f***er
off that yak and durban
doin’ 120 gettin’ head while I’m swervin’

Seth Meyers: D**n Natalie you a crazy chick

Portman: Yo shut the f*** up and suck my d**k
I bust in dudes mouth like gushers mother f***er
roll up on NBC and smack the s**t outta Jeff Zucker

Guys: What you want Natalie
Portman: to drink and fight
Guys: what you need Natalie
Portman: to f*** all night

Don’t test when I’m crazy on that airplane glue
put my foot down your throat
till you s**t in my shoe
leave you screaming
pay for my dry cleaning
f*** your man
It’s my name that he’s screamin’

Parnell: I’m sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?
Portman: I never said I was a role model.
Parnell: What about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

Portman: All the kids lookin’ up to me can suck my d**k
It’s Portman mother f***er
drink till I’m sick
slit your throat
and poor nitrous down the hole
watch you laugh and cry
while I laugh you die
and all the dudes
you know I’m talkin to you
Guys: we love you natalie
Portman: I wanna f*** you too
P is for portman
P is for <meow>
i’ll kill your f**in dog for fun so don’t push me

Parnell: Well, Natalie I’m surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.
Portman: Well there’s a lot you may not know about me.
Parnell: Really? Such as?

When I was in Harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
and snorted all the yay
I gotta a def posse
and you gotta buncha dudes
I sit down on your face and take a s**t

Andy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad ass biiiiiiiitch (hell yeah!)
and I always pay for your dry cleanin
when my s**t gets in your shoe
as for the drug use
well I can vouch for that
my d**k is scared of you
girl

Parnell: Okie-doke. One final question, if you steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it–

(Portman throws chair at Parnell)
Portman: No more questions

What!

By the way… if these guys have these faces in real life when they do it, I think their romantic life is in trouble.

J*** in my Pants video from Youtube

If that gets removed, here’s the J*** in my Pants video from Saturday Night Live

Here are the Jizz in my Pants Lyrics . Correct them in the comments if they’re wrong, I’m no pro at this.

Lock eyes from across the room
down my drink while the rhythms boom
take your hand and skip the names
no need here for the silly games
make our way through the smoke and crowd
the club is the sky and I’m on your cloud
move in close as the lasers fly
our bodies touch and the angels cry
leave this place go back to yours
our lips first touch outside your doors
a whole night what we’ve got in store
whisper in my ear that you want some more
and I

J*** IN MY PANTS

This really never happens you can take my word
I won’t apologize, that’s just absurd
Mainly your fault from the way that you dance
and now I

J*** IN MY PANTS

don’t tell your friends or I’ll say you’re a slut
plus it’s your fault, you were rubbing my butt
I’m very sensitive, some would say that’s a plus

Now I’ll go home and change

(JORMA) I need a few things from the grocery
do things alone now mostly
left me heart broken not lookin’ for love
surprise in my eyes when I looked above
the check out counter and I saw her face
My heart stood still so did time and space
Never felt that I could feel real again
But the look in her eyes said I need a friend
She turned to me that’s when she said it
Looked me dead in the face, asked “Cash or Credit?”
And I

J***ED IN MY PANTS

It’s perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me
But we’re going to need a clean up on aisle 3
And now I’m posed in an awkward stance because I

J***ED IN MY PANTS

To be fair you were flirting a lot
plus the way you bag cans got me bothered and hot
please stop acting like you’re not impressed
One more thing, I’m gonna pay by check

Last week – I saw a film
As I recall it was a horror film
Walked outside into the rain
Checked my phone and saw you rang and I

J***ED IN MY PANTS

(JORMA)Speeding down the street when the red lights flash
need to get away need to make a dash
A song comes on that reminds me of you and I

J*** IN MY PANTS

(ANDY) The next day my alarm goes off and I

J*** IN MY PANTS

Open my window and a breeze rolls in and I

J*** IN MY PANTS

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of sixth sense I

J***ED IN MY PANTS

I just ate a grape and I

J***ED…IN…MY PANTS

J***ED…IN…MY PANTS

Ok seriously you guys can we…ok…

I J*** RIGHT IN MY PANTS EVERY TIME YOU’RE NEXT TO ME
AND WHEN WE’RE HOLDING HANDS IT’S LIKE HAVING SEX TO ME
YOU SAY IM PREMATURE I JUST CALL IT ECSTASY
I WEAR A RUBBER AT ALL TIMES IT’S A NECESSITY

Cuz I

J***…IN…MY PANTS

(I j*** in my pants, I j*** in my pants, yes I j*** in my pants, yes I j*** in my pants)
yes I J***…IN…MY PANTS
(I j*** in my pants (AKIVA!), I j*** in my pants)

//END

Natalie Portman Gangsta Rap Lyrics & Video